Field Note 003

On Clutter

Gosh, it sure is hard to write when my brain feels like a junk drawer. I hear this is a universal experience among people who enjoy the craft of writing. I told myself, “July 4th is the deadline, certainly I can complete my second manuscript by the 4th!” Fast forward to… August 13th. I am exactly where I was in my story when I said that to myself. Yes, the arc of the climax might have found itself in the process of writing and rewriting the same pages. The clutter might have forced me to write this pivotal moment in my book more intentionally. And one could conclude that juggling a rotating door of stressors has contributed to my Junk Drawer Brainᵀᴹ.

All of these things are true. Still, it is kind of hard not to be down on myself about it all.

Okay, okay. Let’s reframe. Get positive about it.

The Junk Drawer Brainᵀᴹ does, at times, help instead of hurt. When there are a thousand thoughts to rummage through at any given time, the chances of stumbling across something golden increases.

For example, a few weeks ago, I was feeling stuck. Massively, frustratingly so. On a swing set by a river, I listened to a group of teenagers jumping from a bridge and splashing around in the water. It was nice to hear them having fun while I was trying to unstick myself by trying not to think about being stuck. The problem I had been wrestling with for days untangled itself. Like (imagine me snapping my fingers to emphasize quickness) that. I’d been worrying about the balance of fantasticalism and reality. Community and self as savior. Internal vs. external reactions to demonstrate - and that was the thought that sorted it all out.

It was not the choice between something that seemed a little magical and something that would be interpreted primarily as psychology.

It was internal or external.

I had been asking the wrong question.

And in my carousel of racing thoughts, I solved the problem beneath my problem. Everything felt balanced when I got home and got back to writing. Things fell into place the way they do when you let your brain do its thing and stop wrestling with it. Is that the moral of the story? I think I lost track. We can just blame it on the Junk Drawer Brainᵀᴹ.